• 21:18 @ambientaware christ that's a hell of a list. Where to even start. #
• 21:19 @carlstewart kolonipan rules. #

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• 20:27 @njayadev nerd! #

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• 01:37 Uhm yeah ... Hi. What in the fuck is going on. i have no idea. #

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• 22:20 @ambientaware dude i want one too SO FUCKING BAD #

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• 10:53 @ambientaware oh that little fucker isn't going anywhere. i just rearranged the litter boxes to encompass his new love for the bedroom. #
• 19:08 @njayadev that's one of my favorite videos EVER. #

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• 18:59 @carlstewart wrong there, homes #
• 22:38 Anybody want a cat? How about one that's taken to pissing and shitting all over beds? A trip to the get-rid-of place is sadly in order. #

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• 22:25 @DylanSongTrivia bound to put a blanket on my grave? #

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• 11:20 @njayadev you know how i feel about eating contests and gluttony in general. i can't even read that crap. #
• 11:47 poolside, day 2. #
• 16:46 this weekend has been awesome, but honestly, kids, i'm out. sunburn, sleep-deprivation, heat, and alcohol rarely come together well. #

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• 12:51 will be spending the rest of the day soaking up sun at the pool. bring on the sunburn! #
• 16:26 Ah poolside. Drinking in the company of good friends. Word. #
• 23:00 Finds herself in op drinking more beer. Also: sunburn ftw. #
• 23:38 That may very well have been the strongest jagerbomb known to man. #
• 00:27 @ambientaware yes, you're very right, but they do the trick. #
• 00:28 @ambientaware pube? #
• 01:09 i <3 the batcave #

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• 07:44 is not excited to meet the new boss. then again, today she's not excited about much of anything. #
• 12:19 today officially sucks. it's barely after 12 and i feel like i've worked 12 hours already. bleh ... #
• 12:47 Nothing like speeding through westport with freebird playing at top volume to drown the feelings out. #
• 18:05 Starting the week poolside with beer in ha. Be here till sun. #
• 20:26 Oh god when did i get drunk AGAIN? #
• 01:49 Oh look, i found my bed. #

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• 13:14 has applied for a handful of jobs NOT in kansas city. like ... in new york. why does everything related to editing have to be in new york? #
• 14:14 @carlstewart pretty much! #
• 14:23 @DylanSongTrivia independence day #
• 17:05 @ambientaware dude i'll do what i can but i make no promises. #
• 18:28 Sitting at mccoys enjoying the sun, some beers, and the company of good friends. Also: consoling a good friend after the loss of her job. #
• 19:26 Hey naga we're at the westport flea market. i updated, happy? #
• 19:58 @mrfawx pardon? Say that again? #
• 00:28 Too much yankee rum drinking. Dulouzz must sleep. #
• 07:44 is not excited to meet the new boss. then again, today she's not excited about much of anything. #
• 12:19 today officially sucks. it's barely after 12 and i feel like i've worked 12 hours already. bleh ... #
• 12:47 Nothing like speeding through westport with freebird playing at top volume to drown the feelings out. #

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• 14:37 wakes up to find the world still completely surreal. as if it were all a dream. #
• 18:14 has applied for a handful of jobs NOT in kansas city. like ... in new york. why does everything related to editing have to be in new york? #
• 19:14 @carlstewart pretty much! #
• 19:23 @DylanSongTrivia independence day #
• 22:05 @ambientaware dude i'll do what i can but i make no promises. #
• 23:28 Sitting at mccoys enjoying the sun, some beers, and the company of good friends. Also: consoling a good friend after the loss of her job. #
• 00:26 Hey naga we're at the westport flea market. i updated, happy? #
• 00:58 @mrfawx pardon? Say that again? #

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• 11:58 @njayadev they gave it to me. you didn't know? #
• 12:00 has discovered the way to make the dog sleep past 5:30 a.m. - TELL him to. seriously, that's it: BE QUIET and LAY DOWN. #
• 12:01 in other news, regional management visits round II. this means i should probably wear another suit. wooooo. #
• 03:22 @njayadev stupid cavs. *sigh* #
• 04:24 is tired of everything. the words "just get the fuck outta here" on now on repeat. #

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• 17:31 tuesdays are stressful. esp when the whole office staff hasn't been together like last monday. #
• 17:31 add a since there, if you would. #
• 22:46 cue exhaustion. #
• 00:19 exhausted or not, took the dog for a lengthy walk. now cooking the poor (w0)man's dinner: ramen. #

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• 05:17 drunken pictures ftmfw: tiny.cc/2GSsa #
• 20:47 @carlstewart aaaah bytor. You're missed my friend. #
• 20:47 Why must the royals lose every goddamn time i go to a game? #
• 20:48 Of course its all shitty outside. No sitting poolside today! #
• 22:10 Surveys her apartment. Last night's shinanigans (sp?) Really did a number on the living room. #
• 00:23 @njayadev hahahaha it still makes me laugh #
• 03:06 apparently needs either a loan/grant/rich benefactor, a new job, or an additional job. money suxxxx. #

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• 05:52 We have reached the point when sight is only possible while squinting with one eye shut. Sleep may be necessary. #
• 05:58 Let's face it - no night is complete without a little of journey's don't stop believing. i mean, really. #
• 13:33 Wakes up to discover that the dog has, at some point, chewed through the laptop power cord. Great. #
• 17:32 still feels slightly hungover. cranks the office radio in response. #
• 19:07 may very well be addictied to jimmy johns. seriously, i have a problem. #
• 19:38 my god i just realized i spelled 'guillotine' wrong on buzzard's bathroom wall. i am so ashamed. tiny.cc/2lNT0 #
• 20:34 @ambientaware point well taken, but i know you'd be kicking yourself too. we're all linguistic snobs, after all. #
• 20:35 resorts to taking a smoke break every 30 minutes until she can close the office for the day. #
• 21:38 @mrfawx revered horton heat on 7.24 in kc. you in? #
• 21:40 @mrfawx let's try REVEREND horton heat. $21.50 gen admission #
• 00:45 Told myself i wasn't gonna drink tonite. Four beers in, tipsy, and going strong. Poolside, i might add. #
• 00:59 @thriftstoredesk come visit! Drunk city up in here. #
• 03:19 commence the dart playing #
• 04:10 @njayadev my god. damn you cavs! WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN! #
• 04:46 once again i find myself squinting to see. good god. #

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well, it appears summer has once again returned to the midwest, and i have happily welcomed its return. at this rate, though, my lungs and my liver aren't going to make it past about july.

thursday night i get the call that the pool is open. i spent a few hours relaxing poolside before being dragged into freezing water by two of my asshole coworkers. thanks, guys. someone mentioned pina coladas, so gus and i headed out to enjoy the rest of the evening. gus's time was cut short, though, because he kept finding things on the floor to eat. i spent a good hour pulling things out of his mouth, including, at one point, one of those plastic mach 3 razor blades. *sigh* i'll be glad when the puppy stage passes.

friday. work then pool. i was pretty much wasted by 8 p.m., thanks to a neverending supply of bud light. went down to westport and ate at blanc's. DELICIOUS burgers. some kind of butter marinade reminded me of courtney ordering carrots with that "delicious glaze" at denny's. then off to harry's to sit out on the patio. gus, of course, had me up at 4:30 in the morning after falling asleep at about 1:30, though i did manage a nap on the couch before work.

saturday more work, took gus to the dog park, more pool, then more bar-hopping across kansas city. i have to admit, for being raised here i was entirely unaware of the amount of interesting places here. thanks to naga for showing me around. gus was horrified by the dog park and showed 0% interest in interacting with other dogs. i'm hoping a few more trips will take care of that and get him playing. appetizers down at the river market, where i also discovered that duvel is a great beer. shocking, given my general loyalty to bud light. after the river market, we went to grinders in the crossroads art district. is anyone else surprised that kansas city has districts? i mean, who knew? anyway, grinders was great. a little classier than buzzard beach, as if that's any great feat, but about the same clientele. i felt pleasantly accepted by the other pierced, tattooed, loud-mouthed, chain-smoking bar-goers. turns out grinders has great food, too, and also have an impressive beer collection. more duvel had me nearly done for the night.

i woke up at 5:00 this morning on my couch, with the dog running around the living room playing. i have no idea when i moved to the couch, since i distinctly remember falling asleep in my bed. while i passed out on my sofa, my generally well-behaved dog chewed through my laptop cord, so now i have a dead laptop and another $80 bucks added to my dell account to replace the power supply. gus apparently needs to get himself a job, or i need to better guard my electronics.

tomorrow is memorial day. i intended upon spending more time at the pool, but it looks like it's going to rain all day. that leaves me stuck in the apartment with the dog and no internet. that should make for an interesting afternoon. maybe i could get some real writing done. now, see, i say that, but it won't happen. i need a new creative writing soundtrack, apparently. something to get those creative juices going.

and running away or not running away, i still daydream about moving. as terrifying as it is, there's still something tempting about just picking up and moving out. meh, we'll see.

i have once again retreated into that strange, eccentric version of myself that is almost entirely unable to communicate effectively with the outside world. i have been far too busy trying to slow down the dizzying array of thoughts in my head - to separate them out into single, distinguishable thoughts instead of flitting sparks that leave me generally unsatisfied and invariably confused. my dreams have once again taken a turn for the strange, and upon waking i find myself unable to distinguish between those dreams and real life occurances.

(if you knew what i've been dreaming, you'd know - and fully understand - how horribly ridiculous i feel. no specifics, though - i save those for the wholly private frantika journal.)

lately i've been toying with the idea of moving. not moving from one kansas city locale to another, but moving, moving. away. starting over. utilizing at least part of my 7 years in college. writing again. doing something that doesn't require the selling of apartments (and inevitably, of my soul) and answering phones. i was never made to be bubbly, let's just face that fact. if i could find a job where i could wear my all-stars day in, day out, i would be one contented dulouzz. as it is, i've spent the better part of my morning glaring at the phone when it rings and keeping my fingers crossed memorial day weekend means NO tours and no traffic. in the immortal words of the beastie boys, something's gotta give.

right now, new york seems the most logical place to move if i should decide to persue the editorial side of things, given it has the most publishing houses/companies/whatever. new york, however, is just a tad daunting ... okay, more than a tad daunting. scares the shit out of me, in fact. how would a person like me function in that big a city? i mean, i'm sure i could pull it off, but that's a hell of a jump in lifestyle.

if i really had my way, of course, i'd just not work at all and spend my time writing. there are just not enough hours in the day, between working, going out, taking care of pets, and taking care of me. how the hell are you supposed to write a novel if you can't ever find the time? yeah, yeah, yeah: "find the time," sure. furthermore, once you have the time to write, how do you ensure that you can spend it writinglet's admit it, i'm still suffering from incurable writer's block, although its diminishing slowly. now, if only i can write the truth without making it seem trite, rushed, and incredibly bland.

this is only a fraction of the thoughts racing through my mind. less than a fraction, perhaps. i find myself thinking of people, some i know, some i've never met. i think of fate and of dreams. i think of symbols and of signs. i think of where i am, of where i've been, and ultimately, of where i'm going. i reach no conclusions and i make no decisions. i just think and wait - for what i'm not certain.

these days i'm all about following gut instincts - instincts that are telling me, this time, something may just give after all.

don't ask me why, after ( ... cue counting ... ) like, five years, i've decided to create a new journal. the old one has grown stagnant, i suppose. curechik has been silenced after all these years. not to be deleted, of course, just stowed away like a well-loved childhood toy.

i would just like to point out that yes, dulouz(z) is a mispelling of jack kerouc's duluoz. of this, i am well aware. dulouz(z) began as an accidental misspelling that went unnoticed by me. here i am, several years later, stuck to this misspelling because it looks better, and more familiar, than duluoz. i always feel compelled to point that out, as if anyone even ever notices. the lingering graduate student/english lit snob in me would hate to realize anyone thought i'm just an idiot, which i very well may be after all.

yeah. so i have to find something more interesting to write about.